#LoveNote

Stop looking for some one just to change your relationship status or your financial situation. Choose a partner who brings out the best in you, some one who wants to know your mind, your heart and your soul as much as they want to know your body. Find some one who values every moment you spend with them even if it's just a walk down the road from your home or one minute conversation on the phone. Find some one who appreciates every gift they receive from you even if it's  a wild flower you picked on your way to meet them. Be with some  one you want to spend the rest of your life with the one who wants to spend the rest of their life with you. Love is is two way street so if you are invested and your partner is not then your wasting time. Be with some one you can build with, some one you can dream with because if you can't see yourself marrying and growing old with the person in your life then you are with the wrong one.  Find a partner who doesn't want your relationship to be a dog and pony show for social media likes and comments but some one who values the privacy and sanctity of your "coupledom". I'm not saying there is anything wrong with posting a picture of a moment shared with your significant other occasionally but let's keep it real some people especially women tend to over do the "relationship posts".

Relationships are hard work. If you are in it for the wrong reasons then it will never go the distance and if it ends up where you'd like, if  you can't put in the work necessary your relationship will never last.

#PowHerTalk Launch Highlights.

Krystal Tomlinson on Wednesday October 7th launched her #PowHerTalk series under the theme "Ladies of today, leaders of tomorrow #MakeItHappen" at the University of the West Indies, Taylor Hall. The series is aimed at empowering and encouraging young women; providing them with a space where they can learn, voice their opinions, concerns and gain advice from each other and from women of excellence across different fields.

The guest speakers were all  late and usually waiting would annoy me to the core but I appreciated the fact that all the speakers are hard working women juggling a thousand things all at once but still found a way to make being at the PowHerTalk happen.  If the young women present were not inspired and empowered by just that realization they were not really paying attention.

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The ‎#PowHerTalk featured Senator Imani Duncan-Pryce, journalist Janella Precius and Media personality and event organizer Krystal Tomlinson. Lady Saw was also slated to speak but had to pull out at the last minute.  Each had some amazing things to say, however I'll be highlighting some of my favorite points from each speech. 

Senator Imani Duncan-Pryce was the first speaker and she  was very candid about her professional and personal life. In other words- she kept it all the way real. I honestly didn't expect her to be as open as she was. I'm sure many people when they hear a politician or business person will be giving a speech expect boring and stuffy but she was far from that.  She spoke on the role of women in business, politics and in the home. She informed the audience that though Jamaica has one of the highest percentage of females in management positions many are still being payed less than their male counterparts simply because they are afraid to negotiate for higher salaries. With that point she encouraged the ladies to be fearless and negotiate for a pay increase. The first step towards doing that she instructed is placing a high value on your qualifications and skills and commanding respect whilst being respectful. She also imparted some words of wisdom to those who aspire to enter the corporate world,  "arrive early to business meetings, sit at the table- in the middle, at the front but never on the outside or at the back." Mrs Duncan-Pryce said doing this will ensure that we are not overlooked when decisions are being made.  She also said that has professional women we should try not to make excuses but find ways to get the job done. Doing this she said will ensure that negative perceptions of what a woman can or cannot do is erased in the workplace. She also advised that in the conference room though it's ok to be nice, as women we should never make it our duty or have the duty thrown upon us to make or serve the coffee or take notes. Senator Duncan-Pryce also advised that when it comes down to personal relationships young women must understand that they should never compromise their personal ambitions for a man. She reflected on ho she learned from making that mistake in her first marriage. She pointed out that a relationship is a partnership and a good man will encourage and empower his woman to achieve her goals. She then went on to speak on how many women have issues with the "boys only club" because they feel its the reason they don't make it to the top of their specific professions. She expressed that there is nothing wrong with the brother hood or "boys only clubs" infact she feels that just like the men have created brotherhood and secret societies (her husband is a member of the Free Mason Society aka Lodge and that revelation sent shock waves through the audience) to support each other so too women should create sisterhoods instead of always trying to tear each other down over trivial things. 

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Krystal Tomlinson was next and her first points were centered around women celebrating each other. I agree whole heartedly with that sentiment because even in the room  I heard young ladies being judgmental of each other, picking away and laughing at simple grammatical errors of those who chose to speak and having issues with those who participated by asking multiple questions. One of my male friends has a favorite quote and he reminds me frequently that he doesn't try to understand women because "women understand women and they hate each other." Sad but this is true sometimes and as Krystal pointed out women tend to hold on to grudges too long and leave University carrying those same hard feelings towards each other into their professional lives not realizing that these are some of the reasons they can't get ahead in their organization. My favorite portion of Krystal's talk was when she told the young ladies to Put some "fleek" on aspects of their life that is of actual importance. I'm sure this resonated with every one in the room. I see where women are caught up in the social media world mainly posting about their hair, their nails, a party they went to or throwing shade at some phatom "hater". All very vain and unecessary in the grand scheme of things. Krystal put  it perfectly we should ensure that our social media reflects more than just vanity. She challenged the young women in the audience to post their goals or instead of posting their new hair style or that new outfit for that party make a post about the A+ they received on a test or term paper. She reminded the University girls that life on campus is not the real world and thus they should try not to be consumed by all the frivolous activities they are presented with each day. She encouraged them to soak up all the knowledge needed for entrance into real world ahead.

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Janella Precius was the nights final speaker. She co-signed some of what Krystal and Imani said before her. Miss Precius said that women should know their worth and the perfect way to do this is to set high standards and stick to those high standards. She too challenged the ladies in in room to value themselves higher than a meal at KFC or a trip to Strawberry Hills. Janella told the story of how for years women in the news room were being handed fluff pieces to report on instead of hard hitting stories people were really interested in hearing. She told how that changed during the Tivoli incursion when the men in her news room were afraid to face the gunshots in West Kingston, she took the reigns and used the opportunity to show that female journalist in Jamaica can do anything the males can do.  What I took from Janella's speech is that when a good opportunity is presented women should ensure that they take full advantage and do our best to always  "shock the system".

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I can say honestly that it was good for me to have been at this event. The PowHerTalk was entertaining, informative and empowering. Congratulations Krystal on the launch of what I know is set to be a great series. I look forward to the next installment.  #PowHerTalk #MakeItHappen. 

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Love Notes 2015: Put Yourself Out There.

I was at a women's empowerment seminar recently. One of the speakers Jacqui Tyson  spoke about "Not apologizing for your existence." the way she put it -some times our fear causes us to exude this aura of "I'm sorry". It can be in the way that we stand, walk, sit, enter a room or even speak. She said many times we are placed in a position where we can make a first good impression but don't because of fear.  The speaker went on to say her philosophy is different from most. For example, she said she never enters a room and goes to the back. If the room is full she said she prefers to stand to side where she can be seen, she takes every opportunity to ask questions and to put herself in a position where she will always be remembered. Sounds narcissistic but think about it. How many times do we seek out the back; the back of the class room, the back of church, the back of a seminar etc mainly because we feel like if we are at the front we will be seen, we'll be the first to be pointed at. How many times do we refuse to ask questions. Afraid that the question is stupid, afraid of all the people who will be looking at us, afraid of speaking. How many times are we offered an opportunity to attend an event but pass or asked to give a vote of thanks or introduce a speaker but say no because of fear. Being apologetic. How many of us have put have been in situations where we get to network but  introduce ourselves to a business leader.   Truth is many of us often shy away from the aforementioned. ‎

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The message of not being apologetic about my presence and using opportunities has stayed with me. Since then I've been trying to think about all the times and all the ways I've let great opportunities slip away from me becuase I was afraid to be in the front or afraid to ask a question. Sad to say that I've had many of those moments.   I've actually been on a mission to change. I speak up now. Even when I'm filled up with nervous energy shaking in my shoes. I have been to a few networking seminars just so I can practice. If I'm ever in the building with a business leader or a politician I plan to make an amazing first impression. 

So my message to you my readers is stop apologizing for your existence. Stand tall, head up. Put your self out there. Speak without fear at all times. Ask for what you want in a respectful way. Remember that no is never the end of your journey and there is no such thing as a stupid question. The difference between those who are successful and those who are not or are trying to be is that they put them self out there.